Aug 10 - Last temporary day out of the grabaseat office

Hey Everybody

I am out of the office on Wed 24 Aug…which will probably, more than likely, for sure, be my last temporary day out of the grabaseat office, before I am permanently out of the grabaseat office.

That’s right, as of Fri 3 Sep I will no longer be flogging those cheap-as-chips Air NZ seats to new and exciting destinations (sometimes for $1), and I won’t have to travel around the country getting amongst it with fun-loving people at iconic Kiwi events (actually I will probably keep doing that). Yes, high five!

Instead I will be indulging another passionate pastime of mine and encouraging everyone to wrap their lips around the sweet amber throat tickler that is Moa Beer. I think I scored the role because I have been undertaking thorough market research since 1992.

It has been an emotional rollercoaster, and I don’t think it is to OTT to say that you have helped mould me into the man I am today and for that I will be… grateful, if not eternally at least until the end of next week.

Here are a few of the good times in my grabaseat life, hopefully they give you a bit of a giggle:

-         Making Wings 1st ever music video, shot in only 1 day. She is a legend: http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/14/KHyrAd4CxEQ

-         An entire day in a Kiwi costume, including flying down to Chch and back and getting blindsided by a council worker: http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/13/WWIdDmJTuM0

-         Finding a pole dancer to teach Tim Shadbolt, NZ’s hottest Mayor, how to strip: http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/17/dDgkEvIvnYw

-         Playing a single loser in a grabadate promo video: http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/21/u6sAB-1B8eg

-         Winterfest Birdman 08: http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/10/V6vy2_rJKps

-         Winterfest Suitcase Race chaos 08:

-         http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/11/FprSSBqjZo4

-         Taking a pride of Cougars to the Sevens: http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/0/SLUprtaOuOQ

-         Being a ring boy for the Winterfest 10 Thriller in the Chiller boxing (sorry no video)

Not sure who they will replace me with, the irony is the job could probably be done by a trained or even wild monkey.  But in the meantime a very skilled monkey will be peeling my bananas and taking my place in the nit picking circle - Duane (Duane.Perrott@airnz.co.nz).

Thanks, you’re choice!

Sunil

Aug 10 - Kids of 88, Salsa and Rugger Buggers

Yello

I am out of the office on Fri 20 Aug…actually I left the office at 3:37pm on Thu 19 Aug 10.

I am having or have had (depending on when you are reading this) a meeting with Ashley the manager of Kids of 88, who have just released their debut album “Sugarpills” and scored a sweet 4/5 from Scott Kara (which, according to my school c mathematical calculations equates to a solid 80%, ironically more than I got for school c maths): http://www.nzherald.co.nz/entertainment/news/article.cfm?c_id=1501119&objectid=10667206.

And I’m not just telling you that because the lads were kind enough to give us a shout out at the Passion Pit concert…it’s because they thanked me (a kid of 77), Tors (who loves kids) and Jax (a kid of 66, ancient-as) in the album cover.  Best album ever! Don’t be a spaz, get it and enjoy being ace.

After the meeting I’ll be donning my lycra sequined one-piece number and dashing off to my Salsa dancing class. 1, 2, 3…5, 6, 7. I know what you are thinking, gayness, but I reckon Norm Hewitt, Tim Shadbolt, Rodney Hide, Paul Holmes, Shane Cortese and Tamati Coffey…hmmm…anyway, I reckon they were onto it. Basically ‘cause you get to hold hands, hug and swing your hips in unison with not just one chick, but a bunch of chicks!

Shane even scored someone else’s missus out of it.

I suppose I should also tell you why I’m not in the office on Friday.

Well, next year there will be cruise-ship-loads of Bulldogs, Frogs and Dingo’s coming down here to attend a massive party that John Key is hosting in a shed by Auckland’s magnificent ferry terminal. To celebrate this auspicious occasion Air NZ are holding a mini rugger bugger tourney in Chch, North Island XV vs South Island XV and the winner playing a World XV. I was selected for the North Island XV based on the handful of games I played while on my OE in Canada and my touch skills, although Tors reckons I’m just the token Indian and will actually be a cheerleader. I’ve got news for you Tors, I am on the bench and when I get my chance I’ll be owning a corner of the field like “Bernies Corner” at Athlete Park.

I might even open a dairy on it.

I think Duane (Duane.Perrott@airnz.co.nz) is in the office, although with the rest of the team away he might decide to stay at home on Friday, especially after being up all night watching the cricket.

You could try and catch me, like the opposition (good luck) on 021 847 480.

Otherwise have a great weekend.

Righto (sorry to the poor guy who found this sign-off offensive in the last grabaseat email)

Sunil

Aug 10 - Man-Swine Flu

Hey (cough, sneeze, sigh),

I am out of the office on Tuesday 10 August. Day 2 of my self-diagnosed nasty combination of man and swine flu. I am becoming more pig than man and am currently eyeing up the mud patch out the back, that many months ago, when we had a hippie flatmate, was a veggie garden (cough, sign, sneeze, sneeze... sympathetic laughter).

Hopefully I be in tomorrow. Until then, I'm going to be tucked up in bed with my hottie...night, night.

Jul 10 - Secret Squirrel

Hey, can you keep a secret?

I am out of the office on Wed 21 Jul. Sssshhh…I’m on a totally secret squirrel mission. Don’t be an egg and tell someone or my cover will be blown and I will be dead meat.

If I’m still alive tomorrow I’ll check your email then. If it’s life or death you can try and call me on 021 847 480.

…I’ve said too much.

Over and out, Cobra
(My special ops call sign)

Note – I’m actually at home having a duvet day and didn’t want to have to get a medical certificate. Ssssshhh, don’t tell Duane.

Jul 10 - Team Building

Yo

I am out of the office on Tue 13 Jul.

The grabaseat team is embarking on a journey of self-discovery and enlightenment. But don’t worry, it’s not a day of synthetic-cannabis smoking, it’s about finding out what “colour” on the psychometric wheel we are, so we can all play nicely.

It sounds pretty touchy feely but we are heading out West Auckland for this, so I’ll be getting my bogan on. Black jeans, steel capped Doc Martins, Metallica t-shirt (courtesy of Bruce) and Joe Dirt mullet wig (which is actually bloody good for picking up chicks). I’m driving out there and will have to move the Cortina to move the Falcon to move the Escort to get to the Torino and will also have to take it easy on the Woodies.

I will check out your email tomorrow, with fresh eyes. But if it is urgent or you want to get in before my metamorphosis give me a bell - 021 847 480.

Wayne
(My westie alter-ego).

Jul 10 - Winterfest and B'day

Hello

I am out of the office on Fri 02 Jul and won’t be driving my desk until Thu 8 Jul. We are heading back down to Queenie for some more wild Winter Festering.

On Saturday we’ll be up Coronet Peak for the grabaseat main event – Mountain Mayhem. There will be the Dash for Cash for the Harry hard outs, Musical Chairs for some seat grabbing and the Suitcase Race for a quick getaway. Hopefully there won’t be any broken backs like the Birdman, ouch! But don’t worry Jax knows first aid and Tors watches every episode of Grey’s Anatomy, so we have you covered.

Then I’m going to stay down South for a bit to celebrate the date of my birth. I will be swapping my company rented brand spanking new Avis 4WD Prado with keyless entry, push button start and reversing camera and palatial Crowne Plaza hotel room with free 80s inspired steam room, for a sweet Jucy El Cheapo car (scored a free TC lift pass with it tho’) to fishtail it to Wanaka and stay at the YHA Purple Cow, which had picture on their website of a bed so bowed that it looks like an elephant took a nap in it.

It should be neato fun!

I use the term "neato", because I have getting in a bit of trouble lately for my language. Although some of it is taken out of context I would like to take this opportunity to apologise for the use of the following words: knob, bomb, destructive, kids, bugger(s), FA, Scotsman, smokin, crucify, ex-MP, Elizabeth, Hikoi, JAFA, Asian, wad, crap, Dunno, vitamins, Wharepaku, sleeping, pornography, cuzzies, cougar, spanking and any others that may have caused offence. Sorry.

Duane is taking one for the team and will be in the office if you have an urgent query – Duane.Perrott@airnz.co.nz.

Jax and Tors will be back on Tuesday if you would prefer to wait for them – Jacqui.Beaver@airnz.co.nz or Victoria.Hooper@airnz.co.nz

Otherwise if you want to wish me a happy birthday give me a bell – 021 847 480.

P.S. You can check out all the Winterfest action on Juice TV – they are all over it again like a dirty, itchy rash (the ointment isn’t working).

Laters, Sunil

Jun 10 - Winterfest

Yo

I am out of the office on Fri 25 Jun and Mon 28 Jun – getting amongst it at the Queenstown Winterfest.

This weekend we are setting up a retro Kiwiana lounge (complete with taxidermed fawn and crocheted rugs) on the Village Green for festival goers to come and hang out, snaffle some cool stuff, enter a daily draw to win flights and guzzle some Tararua Real Iced Coffee thanks to my new mate Malcolm “the milkman”.

We ran a Birdman comp and Geoff and Felicity (“Flossie the balloon lady”) our winners will be constructing a massive balloon thingamajiggy and taking a long walk off a short pier into a freezing lake. Hopefully no one passes out from excessive blowing. But we should be OK and it’s a good use of Jax and Tors’ hot air.

There will also be some random grabaseat-MORE FM Winterfest Warriors running around in superhero outfits, before they strip down to their jocks for the Undie 500 and Splash and Dash. Brass monkeys for sure.

Oh yeah, we are sponsoring the ring gals for the Thriller in the Chiller boxing event on Sunday night…and before you hairy arm-pitted feminists get all upset, there is a female match, so there will be a ring boy…guess who? The things I do. Duane is also going above and beyond and is getting his whole body shaved for the Shave for a Cure flight. Nice one (unless you are sitting next to him on the flight) - http://www.shaveforacure.co.nz/view_event_profile/2529.

I will be working extremely hard and probably having a really stink time, so if you want to cheer me up please give me a bell on my cell – 021 847 480, otherwise I will get back to you once my digits have thawed out.

P.S. You can check it all out on Juice TV – they are all over it like a dirty, itchy rash.

Sweet.

Jun 10 - Raro

Kia Orana

I have spontaneously decided not to be in the office on Fri 4 Jun and will instead be beached as in Raro - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdVHZwI8pcA. I thought it might be nice to indulge in some R&R. Although my new buddy Kimi reckons it is more likely to be a bit of B&D.

The timing is pretty spot on, as I am just about over my NZ Music Month hangover and am (almost) fully focused on the Queenstown Winterfest. We are sponsoring Mountain Mayhem again (http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/11/FprSSBqjZo4) and this year we are also looking for grabaseat Winterfest Warriors to represent us, including a Birdman (http://www.youtube.com/user/grabaseatnz#p/u/10/V6vy2_rJKps). Win flights, accommodation and a long walk off a short pier into a freezing lake. More info next week (once I am off island time).

If it is urgent please email my work buddies Tors (Victoria.Hooper@airnz.co.nz) or Jax (Jacqui.Beaver@airnz.co.nz). They should be sweet with it, ‘cause Jax just came back from a trip to Fiji and Tors is off to Raro soon-as and has scored a comp hotel upgrade thanks to a technical booking system mess-up, booya!

Aera ra

P.S. I will be out of the office on Mon 7 Jun. It’s the Queens birthday. Well not really. Lizzie’s birthday is 21 Apr, but I am sure it’s someone’s birthday and if they are anything like my husky lady friend from K-Rd they could be a Queen, so in their honour all Kiwis should have the day off and scoff some cake.

May 10 - Team "Off-Site" Meeting

Gidday

I am out of the office for the arvo on Wed 19 May.

We have a new GM (General Manager) – David Simmons, who sits under our GGM (Group General Manager) – Bruce Parton, as seen on Campbell Live last week giving Chch bogans $1 seats to Metallica, and on top of our M (Manager) – Duane Perrott, who is currently on crutches after knee surgery and hallucinating because of the drugs they gave him for pain relief. That’s a lot of chiefs and a veritable sausage-fest. So it’s lucky I’m an Indian, although I’m the curry munching* kind not the bow and arrow kind, and lucky we have 2 chicks in the team (Jax and Tors) to balance out all that testosterone.

Anyway, Dave summonsed our team to an off-site meeting this arvo to talk about his vision and direction for grabaseat over the next 12 months, “going forward, KPIs, core competencies, matrix’s” and all that stuff. Hopefully he is interesting and good at telling jokes, but to be honest I will probably be sitting at the back doodling, thinking of nicknames for him and eating the snacks.

Dave did ask us to do some “homework” on our favourite deal sites to present to the group. I think Tors is doing something on Strawberrynet.com, not sure what Scott will do – but no doubt he’ll get an A and gold star, Jax has just got back from Fiji and is still full of Mai Tai’s so didn’t do anything, nor did Duane because he says he’s too old for the interweb. I should be preparing something now, but I think there is only one good use for the internet and am going to talk about that instead**.

If you want to find out what nicknames I have come up with for Dave you can give me a bell on 021 847 480 or you can email Dave on David.Simmons@airnz.co.nz, cause he has a blackberry.

Wicked.

*If you find that comment a little racist, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9CSnlb-ymA&feature=related

**The main use for the internet, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-TA57L0kuc

May 10 - Nelson

Kia Ora

I am out of the office on Fri 07 May getting amongst it in sunny Nelson.

Actually that is a blatant lie, I am probably not getting amongst anything and will more likely be maxing my chillaxing (see what I did there).  It’s a pretty good destination for a spot of R&R – which is much needed after our Opshop One Day Ten Gigs mission last Saturday (check the www.grabaseatmusicmonth.co.nz site for a bit of a story and some pics). Our grabaseat weekender blurb about Nelson will give you a taste of what I’m in for:

“Nelson is the bohemian, crystal-waving heart of New Zealand that immediately tunes you into cruise mode. Endless sunshine, great food and sparkling sea encourage the free-thinking and easy living. This is a town of cafes, galleries and markets filled with artists, craftspeople and reinvented hippies, with every one of them a lively conversation waiting to happen. So get into the local vibe - loosen your drawstrings, let your feet go naked on the beach and realign your aura.”

Although this copy has gotten under the skin of some Nelsonians and I have received a few frustrated emails from the local tourism office, who don’t think there are any “hippies” left and are trying to shake off this stereotype. Luckily I removed the word “feral” which was originally before “hippies”. That would have really made them choke on their tofu.

I reckon they should do a bit more chillaxing themselves and lean into it…and I’m going to help by not showering.

If you are desperate to get hold of me then send me a message via telepathy or if you have too much negative energy for that then you can try calling me on 021 847 480. Otherwise I will get back to you on Monday once I have awoken from my meditative trance.

Peace.

P.S. If you are an Air NZer based in The Hub, I brought a pile of fruit the other day to combat my man-flu, but didn't eat it all so help yourselves. Or else it might smell as bad as I am going to after not showering all weekend. Stinky.